tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post178171755216258978..comments2024-01-15T21:32:32.796+11:00Comments on Into the Cuckoo's Nest: #PitmadHeather M Bryanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-23417011278708236972019-11-05T21:08:31.413+11:002019-11-05T21:08:31.413+11:00Have you now been looking desperately searching fo...Have you now been looking desperately searching for employment for weeks or even years? It can be hard not finding a job, <a href="http://www.playbazzar.xyz/" rel="nofollow">playbazaar</a>especially if you were let go from the previous job. The following article will give you to do just that.<a href="http://www.playbazzar.xyz/" rel="nofollow">satta king</a>play bazaarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12981245240834359117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-67535552107418068432019-09-13T19:03:40.673+10:002019-09-13T19:03:40.673+10:00I liked your blog very much Digital Marketing By t...I liked your blog very much <a href="http://googlemedia.in/" rel="nofollow">Digital Marketing</a> By the next afternoon I'm kissing on the bit to bring it back. This is a great blogspot theme, where you can find the best themes and latest designs. very nice. But you know that this is the right time to start your business with Google Media <a href="http://googlemedia.in/" rel="nofollow">Website Development</a> googlemediaseohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08797755246087051989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-63880200515886816662015-03-08T15:02:14.672+11:002015-03-08T15:02:14.672+11:00No worries at all! My thoughts -
A - good clear ...No worries at all! My thoughts - <br /><br />A - good clear stakes and personality. <br /><br />B - This one tells us a bit more about people involved but the second sentence is weak. Use extra characters to add 'basketball' and 'her' in the first sentence. <br /><br />C - I don't get the 'filling tubs' reference here. <br /><br />D - Not many specifics in this one.Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-31435357913126537662015-03-06T13:47:35.469+11:002015-03-06T13:47:35.469+11:00This is a very generous offer! I have a few drafts...This is a very generous offer! I have a few drafts. Comment on all or just one, whatever suits your time-constraints and interest. Thanks so much!<br /><br />(A) Retta must get to b-ball camp to win scholarship and be free of crazy family. Minor setback—killer mutants attacking her town. #PitMad YA CF<br /><br />(B) Control-freak Retta risks life-changing scholarship to save bumbling family from killer mutants. Learns to cede control instead. #PitMad #YA<br /><br />(C) Retta has it under control: Granna-not filling tubs, Dad-not in jail, scholarship-not lost, mutants-not eating people…wait—crap! #PitMad #YA<br /><br />(D) RETTA’s TO DO: 1.Win scholarship, leave Gulch 2.Find ex-con bro 3.Save family from mutants 4.Save town too 5.Scratch 1…maybe #PitMad #YA #CF<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10198800193284146537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-51129030880724627912015-03-06T13:46:45.070+11:002015-03-06T13:46:45.070+11:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10198800193284146537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-80851297264898002682015-03-04T21:33:59.839+11:002015-03-04T21:33:59.839+11:00Firstly, love the diversity and the fact you'v...Firstly, love the diversity and the fact you've managed to include it in all three pitches. <br /><br />Is it possible to include Marianne's name in the first pitch? I find it's easier to connect when we have the MC's name. <br /><br />Maybe, "Marianne must defend her family and the girl she loves from the poltergeist intent on possessing her. #YA #PitMad<br /><br />I've cut unnecessary words so you add more specificity. With this pitch, I just don't know why she needs to defend the others if the poltergeist is set on possessing her.<br /><br />Second one is much clearer, I'd just recommend using MCs name.<br /><br />The third one reads as though she must save the girl she loves and the poltergeist. <br /><br />Hope that helps!Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-29540970717181283812015-03-04T15:32:04.826+11:002015-03-04T15:32:04.826+11:00I haven't totally decided whether I'm goin...I haven't totally decided whether I'm going to take the plunge on #PitMad, but grateful for the chance to get some perspective while I practice - thanks Heather!<br /><br />So far the most promising one is this:<br /><br />A 15yo must defend her family and the girl she loves from the wrath of the poltergeist that's intent on possessing her. #YA #PitMad<br /><br />Trying to come up with variations on the theme as well...e.g.:<br /><br />A 15yo must learn what--and who--is haunting her before it can possess her completely or attack the girl she loves. #YA #PitMad [read em dashes for "--"]<br /><br />The poltergeist intent on possessing Marianne has set its sights on the girl she loves; she must save them both from its attack. #YA #PitMad<br /><br />Any thoughts would be most welcome!Amelindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00418362660748120018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-114358354427397122015-03-04T15:23:17.051+11:002015-03-04T15:23:17.051+11:00You could also shorten it to "overdose" ...You could also shorten it to "overdose" or - even shorter! - just "OD," which seems to be common vocabulary.Amelindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00418362660748120018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-8886033315799737672015-03-02T22:40:29.088+11:002015-03-02T22:40:29.088+11:00reads well, you could give yourself more leeway by...reads well, you could give yourself more leeway by change 'drug overdose' to 'death' or 'suicide' as it doesn't matter how she died in the pitch, just that the verdict is being challenged.Argylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13089903663845007717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-86874612674063013862015-03-02T22:37:19.405+11:002015-03-02T22:37:19.405+11:00I would just add that its not clear who the demons...I would just add that its not clear who the demons are lethal to. Maybe reword along lines of 'where his own demons seek his demise' or similar<br /><br />Otherwise its clear and works wellArgylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13089903663845007717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-42025297132476710772015-03-02T18:00:48.869+11:002015-03-02T18:00:48.869+11:00Thanks Suja! Nice edit.
Thanks Suja! Nice edit.<br />Rob Linebergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11936961183471619647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-70515187804723328592015-03-02T14:57:28.465+11:002015-03-02T14:57:28.465+11:00The second pitch is much more clear.The second pitch is much more clear.Rob Linebergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11936961183471619647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-76205363518993363382015-03-02T14:56:52.751+11:002015-03-02T14:56:52.751+11:00I like that pitch, too!I like that pitch, too!Rob Linebergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11936961183471619647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-3245890908789933062015-03-02T14:51:55.109+11:002015-03-02T14:51:55.109+11:00Yeah. They assume it's an overdose and don'...Yeah. They assume it's an overdose and don't want any further attention being brought on the case. I used defy because it's the shortest synonym I could think off - only 4 letters :)sujahttp://wordsofwisdomearth.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-3835441155039310462015-03-02T14:34:55.590+11:002015-03-02T14:34:55.590+11:00This pitch is pretty spot on. You have the why, yo...This pitch is pretty spot on. You have the why, you have diversity and you have a catalyst. I'm just not sure 'defy' is the right word here. Did her parents specifically tell her to not investigate with the jock?Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-48169213178172248402015-03-02T14:30:52.694+11:002015-03-02T14:30:52.694+11:00Then all you need is #YAF or #YAMR depending on wh...Then all you need is #YAF or #YAMR depending on which you're pitching it as :)Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-44827095169552560292015-03-02T14:29:16.155+11:002015-03-02T14:29:16.155+11:00Yep, I though it was an inner journey too haha
I ...Yep, I though it was an inner journey too haha<br /><br />I actually really like that one, are you going to do a couple of pitches you can alternate during the day?<br /><br />And I still need to draft some :DHeather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-71566785677326904532015-03-02T13:40:42.931+11:002015-03-02T13:40:42.931+11:00I love the first pitch here. It gives me the stake...I love the first pitch here. It gives me the stakes and shows me why she decides to take it upon to do what she does. Best of luck :)Sujahttp://wordsofwisdomearth.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-74978242485405879972015-03-02T13:34:30.278+11:002015-03-02T13:34:30.278+11:00I like the stakes. Is this dual POV? How about -
...I like the stakes. Is this dual POV? How about - <br />The wind fuels Lani's magic, but spreads lies for a mad god. If she quiets the wind, she loses her magic.Sujahttp://wordsofwisdomearth.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-51945927113263631482015-03-02T13:27:03.677+11:002015-03-02T13:27:03.677+11:00Hi, thanks for doing this. Here's my pitch:
T...Hi, thanks for doing this. Here's my pitch:<br /><br />To prove her sister’s drug overdose was murder, Mira must defy her strict Indian parents & team up with a jock. #pitch practice<br /><br />Thanks.Sujahttp://wordsofwisdomearth.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-62694484564402875842015-03-02T13:11:21.411+11:002015-03-02T13:11:21.411+11:00Oh wow!! Congrats!! And yeah, it's nice when y...Oh wow!! Congrats!! And yeah, it's nice when you get that writing desire back--I've had it disappear as well, and it's awful! <br /><br />I played around with it just a little because people were thinking it referred to an inward journey. So I tried to make it less vague. What do you think of this: <br /><br />To save his family from Purgatory, Fen travels into an alternate universe within his mind, where his own demons turn lethal .#PitchPractice <br /><br />Thanks so much!! Do you need any help with one? I didn't see one from you up here. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08385152323948013318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-40926451923957416782015-03-02T11:26:10.284+11:002015-03-02T11:26:10.284+11:00It is fantasy. Technically it is magical realism, ...It is fantasy. Technically it is magical realism, but with steampunk elements.Rob Linebergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11936961183471619647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-78399580169291378992015-03-02T10:42:34.170+11:002015-03-02T10:42:34.170+11:00I remember your blog! I dropped off for a while to...I remember your blog! I dropped off for a while too. For some reason when I fell pregnant I just had zero desire to write. THANK GOD it is back in force :)<br /><br />Great stakes and interesting concept. 'darkness of his mind' and 'lethal adversaries' are a little vague though. Can you make these things more specific?Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-15678732473077544512015-03-02T10:40:22.090+11:002015-03-02T10:40:22.090+11:00Thanks Heather, I revised both in a reply to Rob&#...Thanks Heather, I revised both in a reply to Rob's comments below. hopefully they are improved... although the why not a responsible adult question is good. She takes it upon herself is a better way of putting it ;)Argylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13089903663845007717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3160218025550421102.post-3453504684616998752015-03-02T10:38:24.835+11:002015-03-02T10:38:24.835+11:00What genre is yours? It usually only adds one or t...What genre is yours? It usually only adds one or two characters and the payoff could be the difference between getting a request or not. If an agent is on the fence about a pitch and doesn't know if it's a genre they represent they may just pass to prevent possibly wasting both their, and your, time.Heather M Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17991599364208766781noreply@blogger.com